DANCEFLOOR KRYPTONITE

by FEDORAHEAD

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ZOMG 10 SONGS OF U4IK BLISS.

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released February 24, 2017

MADE WIF LUV BY FRODO MCQUEEF & LOL MCFARTNEY EXSEPT

Track 3 contains elements by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Track 6 contains elements by Susan Wallace, Tina Root, Jean-Luc De-Meyer, Richard Jonkheere, Patrick Codenys, & Daniel Bressanutti
Track 9 additional lyrics by Brian Graupner
Track 10 contains elements by Tom Scholz

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Track Name: RETURN OF THE THEME FROM FEDORAHEAD
F E D O R A HEAD
CAKE IN OUR STOMACHS AND WAIFUS IN OUR BEDS
ROCKIN FINE HEADWEAR AS THE DOPENESS ELITE
AND BACK ON THE MIKE TO DROP THIS BEAT

CUZ WERE

U TO THE 4 TO THE I TO THE K
BETA AS FUCK THE FEDORAHEAD WAY
U TO THE 4 TO THE I TO THE K
GET A POLICE ORDER CUZ WE WONT GO AWAY
WERE OUT OF THE BASEMENT AND INTO YOUR FRIDGES
TAKING NO MORE SHIT FROM YOU ALPHA MALE BITCHES
WEVE LEVELED UP SINCE THE LAST TIME AROUND
AND NOW WERE BACK TO RUN THIS JOKE INTO THE GROUND

F E D O R A HEAD
DRINKING ALL YOUR DEW AND TROLLING IN YOUR THREAD
PASTIER THAN COLGATE AND RARER THAN SEX
WE GOT A SOUND THAT STANDS OUT LIKE THE BEARDS ON OUR NECKS

U TO THE 4 TO THE I TO THE K
BACK FOR ANOTHER ONE TO YOUR DISMAY
U TO THE 4 TO THE I TO THE K
BACK TO ENLIGHTEN AND HERE TO STAY
WE CAN ROCK A RHYME AND YOU CAN CALL IT KINKY
GOT A PILLOW ON MY JUNK AND A MOUTH FULL OF TWINKIES
AND BEFORE WE DEPART WE'LL REMIND YOU THAT
WE REPRESENT OUR INTELLECT WITH DAMN FINE HATS!!
Track Name: DANCEFLOOR KRYPTONITE
ITS 9:15 AND NOWS A GOOD POINT
FOR YO DECKS TO DROP THE NEW FEDORAHEAD JOINT
AN EMPTY CLUB CANT TURN THEIR BACKS TO THIS
CUZ ONE WANTS TO HEAR SHIT FROM MENS RIGHTS ACTIVISTS
A SCANT FEW ARRIVE TO HIT THE OPEN BAR
THEY GUZZLE DOWN THE RAIL DRINKS CUZ WE GO TOO FAR
YOU CAN KRANK UP THE BASS YOU CAN ADJUST THE TREBLE
BUT NARY A SOUL WILL HEAR US U4IK REBELS

CUZ WE'RE DANCEFLOOR KRYPTONITE
THE BOARDS WILL GATHER DUST AND THE PATRONS TAKE FLIGHT
WERE NEVER GONNA STOP OUR FEDORAHEAD WAYS
CUZ WE ARE THE BANE TO SUPERHERO DJS!!

WE CALL THIS HOT IF NOT AN IMPROVEMENT
BUT YOULL SAY ITS AN ELECTRONIC BOWEL MOVEMENT
4 ON THE FLOOR LIKE THE REST OF THE PROS
AND YOU CAN BEATMATCH THIS WHILE YOU POWDER YOUR NOSE
THERES CAKE TO BE EATEN, THE PATRONS ARE DISTRACTED
AND YOUR PERFECT SETLIST CAN BE REDACTED
SO SPIN THIS CATCHY NUMBER BEFORE ANYONE DEMANDS IT
WE'RE MAKING NOISE OUT OF LONG DEAD PLANETS!
Track Name: EINE KLEINE COCKMUSIC
CURSED FROM BIRTH WITH A TINY WEINER
HAS LED ME TO A SAD DEMEANOR
MY WHOLE LIFE ITS HAUNTED ME
WHEN MY WANG STOPPED GROWING WHEN I WAS THREE
WHEN I WAS YOUNG COACH ASKED WHATS UP
WHEN I PLAYED BALL AND DIDNT NEED A CUP
I EXPLAINED I MUST BRAVE
WHEN MY JUNK IS DAMN NEAR CONCAVE
TWENTY YEARS LATER ITS A BIGGER PROBLEM
WHEN ALL THE LADIES SAY THAT YOU DEFRAUD THEM
WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OUT FOR A FUCKIN DATE
THEYRE LOOKIN FOR A MAN NOT A EUNUCH, M8

ITS AN AWFUL DOWNER WHEN YOU GET LAID
IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE HUNG LIKE A TARDIGRADE
YOU GET HER WORKED UP, EAGER & WET
M'LADY ALWAYS SAYS "ARE YOU IN YET?"
YA TURN OFF THE LIGHTS & HOPE FOR THE BEST
WHEN YOU KNOW DAMN WELL SHE WONT BE IMPRESSED
BE IT ON MATCH, ZOOSK, OR CHRISTIAN MINGLE
IVE GOT AN AMPLE REASON TO WANNA STAY SINGLE
WHEN YOU PULL OUT YOUR ENCHANTED STAFF
AND THE ONLY REACTION IS A GODDAMN LAUGH
SEEMS THAT TWO ALWAYS IS A CROWD
WHEN YOUR GENITALS ARENT VERY ENDOWED
Track Name: MAKE AMERICA CAKE AGAIN
MY FELLOW AMERICANS WE'VE NOW REACHED THE TIME
WHERE WE'VE CEASED TO GET ALONG AND PEACE IS NOW A CRIME
MISUNDERSTANDING ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE
AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY SOMEONE WILL TAKE OFFENSE
THERES MURDER IN THE NAME OF VERY NARROW MINDS
AND A RACIST UGLY STATE ISNT FAR BEHIND
WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER AND HAVE OUR JUST DESSERTS
AND STUFF OUR FUCKING STOMACHS UNTIL IT HURTS

MAKE AMERICA CAKE AGAIN
MAKE IT ABOUT PASTRY AND NOT ANGRY MEN
LIBERAL OR RIGHT WE ALL NEED TO AGREE
THAT WE NEED A SLICE OR TWO IN THE NAME OF LIBERTY!!

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE TO GORGE UPON OUR FEAST
CUZ A LITTLE EXTRA CALORIES BEATS ANY MORE DECEASED
A RAINBOW COLORED SMORGASBORD SO ALL CAN BE FED
NOT TOO HORRIBLY UNLIKE THE MANE ON LOL'S HEAD
YOU CAN BRING YOUR WAIFU YOU CAN BRING YOUR MOTHER
THIS COUNTRY IS BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL PASTRY LOVERS
YOU CAN BRING HILLARY AND YOU CAN BRING THE DON
JUST KEEP IT CIVIL AND WE'LL EAT ALL NIGHT LONG

TO PEOPLE OF ALL COLORS AND PEOPLE OF ALL FAITHS
COME JOIN FEDORAHEAD TO HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE
WE CAN ALTER THE RECIPE & CHANGE THE INGREDIENTS
BUT THIS FEEDING FRENZY COULD USE SOME EXPEDIENCE
THE TIME IS NOW TO ALL STAND AS ONE
TO DROP THE NEGATIVITY AND HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN
SO TO ALL OF OUR NATION'S WOMEN AND MEN
LETS MAKE AMERICA CAKE AGAIN!!!!
Track Name: FEAR AND LOATHING AT THE STEAMPUNK CONVENTION
I WAS ALL GUSSIED UP LIKE 1898
WHEN SOMETHING SEEMED OFF WITH THE BROWNIE I ATE
AT FIRST THE SITUATION SEEMED QUITE COMICAL
THEN THINGS UNFOLDED AND I POPPED MY MONOCLE
MY FEET DISAPPEARED, MY LEGS WAS INVISIBLE
HAD TO FLOAT AROUND TO FIND MY PARKED DIRIGIBLE
I FOUND IT DEFLATED AT FLEET & GAY
ROBBED OF MY VICTROLA & ASTROLABE
THE BLOCK STARTED MELTING MY ARMS STARTED FLAILING
WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE CAME BEN DISRAELI
"THAT IS NO WAY TO BE CARRYING ON"
SO I PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE & HE FELL DOWN ON THE LAWN
GRABBED AT MY KNUCKLES AS THEY BLED IN PAIN
THAT WAS NO PM BUT A WINDOWPANE
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF MEDICAL ATTENTION
THIS IS NO WAY TO DO A STEAM CONVENTION

WITH MY HAND STITCHED TOGETHER & SOBERING UP
THIS VICTORIAN GANGSTA ABOUT TO ERUPT
THERES BLOOD & SWEAT ON MY EDWARDIAN
IVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS DATED PARTYING
ROLL UP TO MY HOME DAWG HERBERT G
CRACKA SAID "my boy, you wanna piece of me?"
GRABBED THE MOTHAFUCKA BY HIS FRILLY CRAVAT
AND USED IT AS MAKESHIFT GARROTTE
AS HE BLACKED OUT, THE HALL FELL SILENT
THEY GAVE YA BOY THE BOOT FOR BEING TOO VIOLENT
OUT ON THE STREETS WITH NO PLACE TO GO
SENT A PAGE TO MY HOMIE HENRY D THOREAU
ROLLED UP IN A PIECE LOOKIN STR8 UP BALLA
CRUISIN PRATT STREET IN HIS 6-4 IMPALA
HE SAID IN A VOICE THAT WAS FULL OF APPREHENSION
WE GOT NO PLACE IN A STEAM CONVENTION
Track Name: BAD RASH (VLAD HAS ONE)
START OUT MY MORNING WITH POP TARTS & MOUNTAIN DEW
HEAD TO ELMHURST & GET IN THE QUEUE
MOVE AROUND SOME DOGECOINZ TO COUGH UP THE FARE
AS I COMB OUT THE CHEETO DUST FROM MY NECK HAIR
BUST ONTO THE M TRAIN
AND WHAT DO I SEE?
A SIGN WITH VLAD'S NAME
STARING BACK AT ME
IT SAYS HE'S GOTTA BAD RASH
AND I THINK THAT'S REALLY CRAZY
CUZ WHEN IT COMES TO HYGIENE
MY BUDDY AIN'T LAZY

COUPLE WEEKS AGO HE WAS FEELING FINE
NOW NEEDS A METRIC FUCKLOAD OF CALAMINE
SAW HIM YESTERDAY WALKING IN THE PARK
AND ALL HE COULD SAY? "IT'S GETTING DARK"
HE COULD HANDLE ZIKA OR IBS
BUT THIS BREAK OUT HAS GOT HIM SUPER STRESSED
SO WE GOTTA ACT FAST
TO GET HIS ITCHING TREATED
HASHTAG SAVE VLAD
AND HE WON'T BE DEFEATED!!!

somebody please fetch me some salve
for my buddy has broken out
somebody please run to the store
and get some cortisol
cream shall null
bad rash a way way relief is here
somebody please help out this guy
professionally so he won't cry

THE WAY THE HIVES BROKE OUT WAS QUITE UNUSUAL
Track Name: COUGAR FRIDAYS
TGIF OR SO THE STORY GOES
TIME TO HEAD OFF TO THE BAR LIKE SOME AVERAGE JOES
LIKE JERRY GOLDSMITH WE'RE LOOKING TO SCORE
AND LOW HANGING FRUIT IS OUR GOAL DU JOUR
WE'RE GETTING FUNNY LOOKS FROM THE PROLETARIAT
DRESSED LIKE A T-REX AND SECRETARIAT
BUT WE'RE PRESSING ON LIKE THE LEE NAILS
CUZ THESE LADIES DESERVE BETTER THAN ALPHA MALES

ITS FRIDAY NIGHT AND COUGARS ARE ON THE PROWL
MIGHT BE PUSHING 60 BUT WONT THROW IN THE TOWEL
IF WE HAD STANDARDS OUR OUTLOOK WOULD BE QUITE GRIM
FEDORAHEADS OUT LOOKING FOR AGED QUALITY TRIM!

WE SAW A SWEET GRANDMA DRINKING GIN WITH LIME
HOLDING ON AN IV DRIP BUT LOOKING DAMN FINE
TRIED TO CHAT HER UP IN THE SUAVEST FRODO WAY
BUT THIS ESTELLE GETTY LOOKALIKE WONT GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY
NOW ITS LOL'S TURN TO DO HIS BEST EDDIE HASKELL
HITTING ON THE AMPUTEE CRUISIN ON A RASCAL
SHE TURNED ME DOWN AND WOUNDED MORE THAN MY PRIDE
WITH A SECOND SET OF SKID MARKS ON MY BACKSIDE

THIS NIGHTS GOT MORE DRAMA THAN A TELENOVELA
THUS FEDORAHEAD RETREATS BACK TO THEIR CELLAR
WHERE THE CHEETOS ARE AMPLE AND THE DEW DOES FLOW
AND OUR TRUSTY WAIFUS THAT NEVER SAY NO
Track Name: ELECTRONIC BOWEL MOVEMENT
A PUMPING BASS TO RAISE YOUR HOPES
THAT OUR DANCE NUMBERS CHOCK FULL OF BROWN NOTES
are you irregular? constipated?
FEDORAHEAD MAKES YOU ELATED!
IF YOURE BACKED UP LIKE I-95
WE'LL MAKE THE CONTENTS OF YOUR COLON SWAN DIVE
OUR WHOLE CATALOGS WORTH A PERUSAL
FOR WE ARE SONIC METAMUCIL!!!

OUR BEATS ARE DANK AND OUR LYRICS DANKER
MORE POWERFUL THAN PRUNES OR SANKA
WE'LL GET YOU MOVING IF YOU GET OUT JIST
CUZ YOUR ASS IS CLOGGED AND COULD USE AN ASSIST
THE RHYTHM IS BRUTAL, THE SOUND PSYCHOTIC
THIS FUCKING JAM IS YOUR OSMOTIC
WE'LL SEQUENCE NOTES UPON THE TRACKS
AN MAKE SOME AURAL PEDIA-LAX!!!
Track Name: NOISE ORDINANCE (FEETURING BRIAN GRAUPNER OF TEH GOTHSICLES)
20 YEARS ON AND YOU CALL ME A FAILURE
BUT I GOT MORE LIVES THAN SINBAD THE SAILOR
SAY IM A JOKE, I CALL YOU A FLAKE
CUZ LIFE AINT NOTHIN BUT DEW AND CAKE
YOU GOTTA BE PRETTY DAMN INSECURE
WHEN YOURE FUCKIN WIT A PONY AND AN ALLOSAUR
WATCH YA DAMN ATTITUDE AND ITS PLACEMENT
GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND INTO THE BASEMENT

WRITE SOME SILLY SONGS AND YOU CALL IT CHICANERY
WRITE A COUPLE MORE AND THEN YA START DEFAMING ME
BUT IF YA TROLLING LIKE THE ORCS IN MORDOR
DAMN MAKE SURE YA OWN HOUSE IS IN ORDER
TALKING THAT TRASH BOUT THE MUSIC WE WROTE
BUT TRUTH BE TOLD YOU AINT HEARD A NOTE
HOLDING OUT HOPES TO GET THAT ROYALTY CHECK IN
YA SPITTING OUT BILE LIKE IT WAS A WEAPON

YOU WANNA TALK SMACK ABOUT MUSIC FOLKS MAKIN
GET INTO THE STUDIO AND AWAY FROM THE BACON
NEVER GONNA IMPRESS YOUR NARROW GESTALT
WHEN YOURE GIVING OFF DEAD SEA LEVELS OF SALT
MAKE SOMETHING WORTHY OF PEOPLES ATTENTION
INSTEAD OF YOUR INSCENE CONDESCENSION
SO WE'LL MAKE WEAPONS OUT OF YOUR DAMN BEEF
CUZ FEDORAHEAD IS ARMED TO THE TEETH

YOU GET ONLINE AND IN ACCORDANCE
VOMIT OUT YOUR OWN SELF-IMPORTANCE
SAY YOURE STRAPPED? ITS JUST FOR CASH
YOURE CORNIER THAN MOM'S BEEF HASH
BLAMIN BAD SALES ON THE FORMAT FINICKY
THATS THE DEATH RATTLE OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY
SO STOP STARTIN RUCKUS FOR FACEBOOK LIKES
CUZ IF YA GONNA SLAY, DO IT ON THE MIC!

NOISE ORDINANCE, AUDITORY STATUTES
IT'S FEDORAHEAD WITH A MUTHAFUCKIN RAP SHEET
COMMITTING FELONIES AND CREATING PUBLIC NUISANCES
GO OFF LIKE A BOMB WHEN THE MUTHAFUCKIN FUSE IS LIT
AN HERBIVORE/DINOSAUR CRIMINAL MASH-UP
WASHINGTON DC IS WHERE THEY KICK THE RAPS OFF
24/7 LIKE A SLEEPING DISORDER
BLOW YOUR MIND INTO YOUR FEDORA!!

AND A FEW LAST WORDS WHILE WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
DROPPING SOME KNOWLEDGE THAT WE NEED TO MENTION
IF YOU WANNA ROLL JUST LIKE THE O.G.s
FOCUS MORE ON MUSIC THAN YOU DO EMOJIS
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND DROP SOME SCIENCE
BE THE DAMN PRESIDENT AND NOT A CLIENT
KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE BUTTON AND LIE IN WAIT
FOR YOUR NOISE ORDINANCE TO DETONATE!